Diary Dilemma Solved?

At the beginning of the month I wrote about a dilemma I was having with regard to my mum's diary and whether or not it was OK to publish some of the contents.

My lovely blogger friend Caz, who writes the interesting Bird with Golden Seed blog, made the following comments which she's happy for me to reproduce:

Caz said...

Isn't it interesting how we all feel differently about artefacts from the past especially those related to people we actually know? As a curator, I work with other people's private papers everyday - letters, diaries and other documents and I must say that I sometimes do think about the fact that they were not written for me.

Going through Mum's things recently I found some letters to her from a friend she knew when she was young. They lost touch over the years but by a twist of fate our paths have recently crossed professionally. After reading the letters to try and gain some insight into Mum as a young women I decided to return them to her friend. She was quite chuffed and laughed at her wildly melodramatic younger self.

Maybe it's just thinking about our parents as individuals before they met that we have trouble with? I hope that's not the case as I would really hope that my kids realise I was an interesting, valid, fully-rounded human being before I met my 'other half'! What do you think?

This is how I would like to reply:

Deb says: Thank you Caz for your lovely long comment. Well as you can see it's taken me a couple of weeks to respond. Your comments really were food for thought for me, and I have done plenty of thinking.

My memories of mum, especially when I was tiny were of a very glamorous woman. Of mum tucking us up in bed and kissing us goodnight before going out with dad. I can still remember the smell of Coty face powder and red lipstick. Mum and dad were a very romantic couple, very tactile and obviously in-love. I've got lots of the funny little letters that dad wrote to her. They both talked about other people that they'd gone out with before they met and we always had lots of other people in the house. Dad seemed to have a kind of following of young men and their girlfriends who hung on to his every word. So, yes, I did always think of them both as having had a life before they met and became parents.

I think the dilemma occurred when I actually saw an image of my mum which I'd posted on my blog, in google images. Just out there for anyone to copy and I hadn't asked her permission.

You can feel quite safe within your little circle of blogger friends, who you feel you know a little bit about, and trust. But sometimes forget that because people aren't commenting that it doesn't mean that they aren't reading your blog, and you don't know who they are. I think that's when I started questioning what I was doing.

I definitely agree that I want my daughter to know me as a person and not just as a mother. I think we sometimes have an idealised view of what a mother should be and so it's good to let our children realise that we are just normal human beings like them. Especially our daughters.

So I think I'll be posting another diary entry soon.

Thanks Caz for helping me solve this dilemma.

I love the serendipity of you meeting your mum's friend through your work, which incidentally sounds fascinating. Thank you for sharing your story and others about her interesting life. She sounds like a lady I would have loved to meet.

If you'd like to read one of Caz's stories related to this you can link to pin-up girls here

Diary Dilema

One of my favourite photographs of mum and dad, they look so relaxed and happy.

After posting about mum's diary in June, I had a bit of a dilemma. I suddenly felt as though I was being a little intrusive.....I think that's the word I'm looking for. It was while H and I were browsing through ephemera on the Antique Market soon after. We picked up some really old post cards. H said she felt as though they were private and we shouldn't be reading them. That they weren't meant for us, but for someone else.

When you think about it, postcards are even less private than someone's diary. You know that the postman might read them. I always write mine with that in mind. I suppose we should write little notes for the person in the sorting office, or the postman....maybe just say hello to them, thank them for the good job they're doing. For getting up early for us and wearing out their feet. After H said that, I couldn't bring myself to share any more of mum's diary entries, probably because mum was writing about someone else, that wasn't dad. I think I have to work this one out, because it's not fair to leave things in limbo for you.

But today would have been mum and dad's wedding anniversary and so I had to peek inside the 1950 one again. August the 5th was a Saturday. Her comments were simple, she just wrote, "Les starts holiday." Then underlined "Get married." There were absolutely no more entries in her diary after that day and that's the last of her diaries. Except really recent ones that had dentist appointments, little reminders to herself, bits of shopping lists and notes to phone one of us.

Their wedding was post-war and things were still difficult to come by. Mum made a full skirted suit for herself with a fitted jacket. It was made from a parachute, I'm sure that she said it was silk and she had it dyed dark brown. Mum unlike me had very dark hair and really deep brown eyes and loved brown and blue. She also made her hat. She was an amazing seamstress although she'd never trained. She probably learnt at school and was taught by her mother who was also a really good dressmaker. Dad had a new jacket and trousers that look like they drowned him, he's really smart. He looks so young, too young to be getting married. They married in a registry office and had the reception at my maternal grandparent's house. The days before mum had spent preparing. These are her entries for the week before, they were always brief because she had tiny diaries but they suddenly became very domestic and practical. and it was just a very simple family wedding.

1 August "Bath-room"

2 August "Do front room out well today"

3 August "Do living room out well. Finish off bathroom today or tomorrow"

4 August "Spend today shopping food, flowers etc. Prepare table in front room."

On the previous page I spotted 25th July "Just 12 months ago today since I first met Les.

I had to look back into her 1949 diary and there it was July 24th 1949 "Went to club, (that was 18plus) everyone gone to Blackely except Eric, Vera & new fellow Les, had jolly evening talking all walked home together. "

I think they'd be happy for me to tell you about their romance they had one of the happiest marriages I've ever known. A few arguments on the way but they always remained in-love all their lives....I'll sort out about the other ones later...obviously they weren't true love....but they do say that you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince...... I wish I had dad's diaries too........

Mum's Diary

June 21st, the second day of summer and a beautiful sunny day. I checked mum's diaries to see what she was doing on this day in 1941. It was also a beautiful day, a Saturday. She wrote

"didn't go to Watlings. Lovely day. Sat in the garden all afternoon, then did some gardening."

I think Watlings was somewhere she used to go dancing at the weekend with her sister. There was nothing in her 1950 diary. But 1949 was really interesting, it was a Tuesday, she said

"Went to Longford Park ( I know she used to play tennis there), very (underlined) surprising to see Peter Caro, didn't speak to him. I think he would have liked me to, trailed after us all over the park."

Mum often mentioned about going out with Peter Caro for a little while. He's the brother of the sculptor Anthony Caro and I think she met him at the Mid-day Studios in Manchester. I couldn't find very much information about the studios except for a picture by L.S.Lowery of them which you can see here if you like. It mentions that it was established by Ned Owens and his first wife, Margot Ingham.

Margot Ingham was one of the group called the Manchester Artists. She was a friend of my aunt who was also an artist, and on the fringes of the group. I remember going to Margot's house with my auntie. I can't remember much except that it was in a leafy cul de sac. But I remember seeing a lot of Margot, usually on the bus. She had a wide face with a high colour and white hair and a strong accent, I think she was Austrian. She was more handsome than beautiful. I imagine she must have been quite striking as a young woman. She promised to do a drawing for me, but I can't remember what happened.

But back to mum and Peter. This obviously wasn't the first time she'd met him, that was at the studios. I quickly read back and she'd been to the theatre and dancing, debates, hiking, played tennis in the park and exhibitions in the previous days, but with someone else, that she'd mentioned to us before. Someone she's known before she met dad. I wonder what happened next.....ooh haven't got time now... but I know what my bedtime reading tonight will be.......I'll keep you informed......