Mostly panicking......I keep waking up at four in the morning thinking about all I've got to do and then just can't get back to sleep.
I can't read as I'll disturb 'A' and so sneak downstairs with a blanket and watch TV, usually falling to sleep when it's time to wake up. It's a mixture between excitement and nervousness. I've got my first solo exhibition next month and two workshops to do as well as my other job. I know I can do it all. I'm capable and should have enough time. I can always take some time off work. But then it just suddenly overwhelms me. One minute I imagine myself happily surveying the gallery surrounded by all my lovely work (and believe me in my imagination they really are beautiful) but the next I'm standing in an empty space apart from a couple of shoddy installations...help...
I can't read as I'll disturb 'A' and so sneak downstairs with a blanket and watch TV, usually falling to sleep when it's time to wake up. It's a mixture between excitement and nervousness. I've got my first solo exhibition next month and two workshops to do as well as my other job. I know I can do it all. I'm capable and should have enough time. I can always take some time off work. But then it just suddenly overwhelms me. One minute I imagine myself happily surveying the gallery surrounded by all my lovely work (and believe me in my imagination they really are beautiful) but the next I'm standing in an empty space apart from a couple of shoddy installations...help...
So this weekend I've tried to chill out at least for a day. Working on a project that I'm doing for the house...all will be revealed shortly. Having a glass of wine (something I rarely do these days) courtesy of A's kind friend who pinches him quite often when I haven't got time to go, and then sends me peace offerings of nice food that gets consumed immediately or bottles of wine that usually get put into the pantry until we have visitors.I couldn't resist trying a bottle of Israeli Kosher wine that he sent for me. It was dark red and sweet and fruity...
....and we watched Noah Baumbach's Margot at the Wedding with Nichole Kidman, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Jack Black.(They were in it...not watching it with us....) Another film about an unusual dysfunctional family but loved the big old house in the Hamptons or wherever it was, and that thing with sisters. I miss my female-heavy childhood living with my grandparents, mum and dad, mum's sister an artist who painted portraits, abstract paintings and big red nudes and my own three sisters....My poor father and grandad two men to seven women! All those creative people under one roof...
Jennifer Jason Leigh looks so gorgeous in this film and I loved all her floaty hippy clothes....big sigh...roll on summer and family get togethers.......
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your world ... but it all sounds so exciting too! :)
ReplyDeleteI've had many of those nights were sleep just doesn't come and everything feels a little overwhelming ... but at least in your case we both know that it will all work out wonderfully well. Your solo exhibition is going to be INCREDIBLE and quite literally the 'talk of the town' ...
I think the only advice I can offer is to give yourself regular breaks and remember to keep breathing! ;)
Thanks Tracey....sounds like good advice......I am breathing deeply and feel much more positive about everything....it's amazing how a little bit of advice helps you to put things in perspective....you're so right about taking breaks I always seem to get the work play balance off a bit and
ReplyDeletea good nights sleep helps too.....
This post made me laugh (not because I think you being overwhelmed is amusing) - but when I first saw the pics I thought, crikey, those people look familiar, has Debby been hobnobbing with celebs? (My mind has been poisoned by celebrity magazines, I swear.) Your childhood sounds incredible - and your shows will be too!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lucy.....he he I better be more careful about positioning titles and images.....!!
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